If You Keep Identifying as the Man You Were, You’ll Never Become the Man You Want to Be.
Laurence H Johns
“A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.”
– Mahatma Gandhi
We all carry an identity in our heads – a story about who we are, what we’re capable of, and where we belong in the world.
For some men, that identity is a weapon – a source of strength, confidence, and power.
For others, it is a cage.
The problem isn’t just our actions. The problem is how we see ourselves.
Because every action we take is a vote for the kind of man we believe we are. And if we keep seeing ourselves as the man we used to be—the man who failed, the man who fell short, the man who never quite measured up—then we will keep making choices that reinforce that identity.
This is the trap most men fall into:
They keep reliving their mistakes.
They keep defining themselves by past failures.
They keep holding onto a version of themselves that should have been left behind long ago.
And because they never shift their identity, they never truly change.
The Identity Loop: Why Most Men Stay Stuck
The way we see ourselves dictates everything—our actions, our habits, and even our opportunities.
And here’s the kicker: Most of us don’t even realise we’re stuck in an identity that no longer serves us.
The Cycle of Self-Defeat
We see ourselves as the same man we’ve always been.
“I’ve never been disciplined.”
“I’m not the kind of guy who finishes things.”
“I always screw up relationships.”
Because we believe that’s who we are, we act accordingly.
We don’t push ourselves because we assume we’ll quit.
We sabotage opportunities because we think we don’t deserve them.
We hesitate to step up because we still see ourselves as weak.
Those actions reinforce the old identity.
The cycle repeats.
This is why most men don’t change—not because they lack willpower, not because they don’t have what it takes, but because they never update the way they see themselves.
How to Break Free from the Identity That’s Holding You Back
The shift is simple. But simple does not mean easy.
If we want to become new men, we must first start seeing ourselves as those men—before we have any proof, before we feel like we deserve it, before we are fully there.
Here’s how:
1. Stop Seeing Yourself Through the Lens of Your Past
Who you were yesterday has zero impact on who you choose to be today.
Every day, you are casting votes for your future self—the question is, are those votes for the man you want to be, or the man you are trying to leave behind?
Your past failures are only relevant if you keep giving them power.
2. Start Acting Like the Man You Want to Become - Now
Instead of waiting to feel like the man you want to be, start behaving like him first.
Ask yourself: How does that version of me think? How does he act? How does he move through the world?
Then start making decisions as if you already are that man.
3. Change the Story You Tell Yourself Every Day
Every man has an internal dialogue—a loop that plays in his mind about who he is.
If that loop is negative, full of self-doubt and past failures, then that’s exactly who you’ll remain.
The fastest way to change? Rewrite the script.
Rewrite Your Inner Narrative
If the old identity has been running the show for years, it won’t just disappear overnight.
But we can rewrite it, one sentence at a time.
Reflective Exercise:
Write down the old identity you have been carrying.
Ask yourself: Is this really who I am, or just who I’ve been telling myself I am?
Now, write a new sentence that describes the man you are becoming.
Not who you wish you were. Not who you might be one day.
Who you are now.
Examples:
“I am a disciplined man who follows through.”
“I am a leader who takes responsibility for his life.”
“I am a man who does hard things, even when he doesn’t feel like it.”
Real-World Task:
Every morning, repeat that sentence to yourself.
Speak it out loud.
Let it become the first thought in your mind every single day.
The Man You Want to Be Is Already Waiting
The difference between the man you are now and the man you want to be is not as big as you think.
He is already inside you.
The only thing separating you from him is your willingness to let go of the old version of yourself and start acting in alignment with who you are becoming.
Identity shapes action. I go deeper on this in my latest video—check it out.
The only question is—will you keep identifying as the man you were, or will you finally become the man you were meant to be?
