Don’t Confuse Discipline with Suppression.

Laurence H Johns

“Beware the fury of a patient man.”

– John Dryden

Most high-performing men are praised for their discipline.
We’re the ones who show up. Who grind. Who hold the line when others collapse.
We get up early. We train hard. We never miss a rep, a target, a deadline.

And that looks like strength.

But here’s what nobody sees:

A lot of what we call “discipline” is actually suppression.

Not just of distraction.
But of desire.
Of emotion.
Of self.
Of the wildness we locked away in order to be good. Efficient. Respected. Controlled.

And that suppressed energy?

It doesn’t disappear.

It mutates.

Into rage.
Into resentment.
Into the sudden explosion at the people you love.
Into the secret addictions.
Into the bone-deep exhaustion of a man who is always holding back.

Discipline or Disconnection?

Let’s be honest.

You’ve built a life on control.
You’ve learned how to compartmentalise pain, how to delay gratification, how to silence your fear and keep going.

But there’s a difference between mastery and muzzling.

Real discipline is rooted in choice.
Suppression is rooted in fear.

• Discipline says: “I choose not to act on this impulse.”

• Suppression says: “If I let this out, I’ll lose everything.”
  
  

One is conscious.
The other is compulsive.

You know you’re suppressing when:

• You haven’t cried in years but feel numb in moments that should move you.

• You keep a tight lid on anger - until it erupts uncontrollably.

• You crave solitude but can’t enjoy it.

• You succeed publicly but feel hollow privately.

This isn’t strength. It’s survival. And survival eventually collapses under its own silence.

The Lie of the Stoic Mask

Modern men love quoting Marcus Aurelius—but they skip the part where he grieved, doubted, wrestled with love and loss.

We’ve turned stoicism into stone.

But true stoicism isn’t suppression - it’s integration.
It’s not “feel nothing.”
It’s “don’t be ruled by what you feel.”

And to not be ruled by your emotions, you first have to know them.

You have to let the grief move.
You have to name the fury underneath the calm.
You have to explore the desire—not bury it.

Because anything you suppress will either:

1. Leak - through passive aggression, withdrawal, or self-sabotage.

2. Explode - through destruction, blame, or burnout.

3. Numb - leaving you dead inside a body that looks like it’s winning.
   

The Turning Point: Discipline Is Letting the Wild Man Breathe

Here’s the paradox:

The man who fears his emotions is a slave to them.

The man who welcomes them - without drowning in them - rules them.

You don’t need to choose between being powerful and being emotional.
You don’t need to abandon discipline to be whole.

You need a bigger container.
One that can hold:

• Your edge and your tenderness.

• Your tears and your ambition.

• Your fire and your focus.
  

This is what mature discipline looks like:

A man who can feel deeply - and still choose wisely.

The Task: Feel Without Fearing It

This week is about letting the emotion move through you without losing your grip - or locking it down.

Real-World Task

1. Name the Dominant Emotion
   Ask: What am I actually feeling most often—beneath the doing?
   Is it resentment? Loneliness? Frustration? Shame?
   
   Write:
   “The emotion I’ve been suppressing the most is…”
   
   

2. Give It a Window, Not the Wheel
   Set a 10-minute timer each day. Sit. Let it rise.
   Breathe. Punch a pillow. Journal. Scream into your steering wheel.
   Move the energy.
   Don’t analyse it. Don’t shame it. Just let it live.

3. Track the Difference
   Note how your energy, clarity, and discipline shift throughout the week.
   You’re not getting weaker.
   You’re reclaiming power you didn’t know you’d locked away.
   

Reflective Exercise

Each night this week, ask yourself:

“Where did I suppress something today - and what would it have looked like to honour it instead?”

There’s no right answer. Only awareness. That’s where the rewiring starts.

Reading List

1. Iron John – Robert Bly
   A deep mythopoetic exploration of male emotion and wildness.

2. Emotional Agility – Susan David
   A powerful guide to feeling without drowning.

3. The Body Keeps the Score – Bessel van der Kolk
   For understanding how unexpressed emotions live in your body.

4. The Inner Citadel – Pierre Hadot
   The true, complex roots of Stoicism—beyond the modern Instagram quotes.

5. Letting Go – David R. Hawkins
   A spiritual but grounded map for releasing what’s been suppressed.

You don’t have to choose between being powerful and being emotional.

You don’t have to carry your wildness like a threat.

You can be disciplined - and alive.
You can be sharp - and soft.
You can be stoic - and open.

But only if you stop calling your prison “strength.”

So here’s the invitation: Let the wild man breathe.

He’s not your enemy. He’s your source.