Power Is Learning to Stay.
“Most men either run or explode. Few learn to stay.”
– Laurence H Johns
When things get hard, most men leave.
Not always physically.
Sometimes we stay in the room, stay in the marriage, stay on the call.
But we’re already gone.
Numb. Shut down. Distracted. Planning the escape.
It’s the same ancient pattern:
Fight.
Flight.
Freeze.
F**k off.
But there’s a fifth option most men were never taught.
The hardest one.
The one that changes everything.
Stay.
The Flinch Response.
You were trained to leave early.
When emotion rises - you joke.
When conflict starts - you withdraw.
When love gets too close - you sabotage.
When shame whispers - you double down or disappear.
Some part of you learned:
“It’s safer not to be here.”
And maybe it was.
As a boy.
In that house.
In that school.
In that version of yourself.
But now?
That flinch is costing you everything you say you want.
What You’re Really Avoiding.
Most men think they’re avoiding drama.
Or wasting time.
Or bullshit.
But what you’re actually avoiding is:
Being misunderstood.
Being exposed.
Being rejected.
Being seen without defence.
And deeper still?
You’re avoiding feeling.
Feeling powerless.
Feeling small.
Feeling like you don’t know what to do.
But power isn’t knowing what to do.
Power is staying anyway.
In the discomfort.
In the unknown.
In the truth.
The Turning Point: Stay and Watch What Changes.
Here’s what happens when you stop flinching and start staying:
You break generational silence.
You hold tension without passing it on.
You become someone people trust - not because you fix them, but because you don’t leave them.
And here’s the kicker:
The moment you stop leaving yourself, you stop needing others to carry your weight.
You become rooted.
Not reactive.
Present.
Not performative.
A man who stays isn’t passive.
He’s powerful.
Because staying takes more strength than dominating - or disappearing.
The Task: Practice Staying.
This week, you’re going to catch the flinch - and stay a second longer.
Real-World Task
Identify Your Exit Point
Where do you most often check out?Arguments?
Emotional vulnerability?
Boredom?
Silence?
Write: “I tend to leave when…”
Create a Micro-Stay
Next time you hit that edge - pause.
Take one breath.
Say out loud (or silently): “I’m not leaving.”
Don’t solve. Don’t escape.
Just stay.Track the Impact
Each time you stay, even for 5 extra seconds, write down what happened.What came up in your body?
What shifted in the other person?
What changed in the moment?
This is the rewiring.
Reflective Exercise.
Every night this week, write:
“Where did I stay today when I normally would have left?”
Celebrate it.
Even the smallest win counts.
Especially the smallest win.
Reading List.
The Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle
Presence is the foundation of staying.The Way of the Superior Man – David Deida
Learn how to stay open - and lead - from the masculine core.Nonviolent Communication – Marshall Rosenberg
The blueprint for staying in hard conversations without losing yourself.In an Unspoken Voice – Peter Levine
Trauma, nervous system, and learning to stay inside your own skin.Warrior of the Light – Paulo Coelho
Short, poetic entries on showing up to life as it is.
Power doesn’t mean force.
Power means capacity.
The capacity to stay in the fire without flinching.
To stay in the truth without armouring up.
To stay in love without folding.
To stay in leadership without needing control.
And most of all -
To stay with yourself.
Because every time you leave, the boy wins.
But every time you stay?
The man is born.
