Retiring the Boyhood Strategy.

“The immature man wants to die nobly for a cause. The mature man wants to live humbly for one.”

– J.D. Salinger

There’s a strategy most men are still using.

It was built in childhood.
Forged in confusion.
Perfected in pain.
And it worked - until now.

It made you fast. Clever. Resilient.
It kept you alive in homes where emotions were landmines, in schools where dominance was currency, in cultures that confused masculinity with performance.

But here’s the problem:

That strategy isn’t built for adulthood.

It’s built for survival.
And men who live from survival - even while thriving on the outside - eventually collapse from the weight of pretending they’re not afraid.

The boyhood strategy must be retired.
Not punished. Not exiled.
But honoured, thanked, and laid to rest.

Because you cannot lead your life - or your family, your business, your community - while a frightened boy is still making the calls.

The Boyhood Strategy: A Survival Blueprint.

Every man’s version is different.

For some, it’s achievement:
“If I win enough, maybe they’ll love me.”

For others, it’s invisibility:
“If I make no noise, I’ll stay safe.”

Or maybe it’s people-pleasing, anger, numbness, control, fixing, caretaking, being the ‘good one’.

But all boyhood strategies share one trait:

They prioritise safety over truth.

You became someone - not who you were, but who you needed to be to survive.

That was adaptive. Intelligent.
But now it’s outdated.
And clinging to it will quietly destroy your relationships, your leadership, your vitality, and your peace.

Signs You're Still Running the Boyhood Strategy.

You might be crushing it at work.
You might be the most respected man in the room.

But if any of these feel familiar, there’s still a boy at the wheel:

• You shrink around strong men - or puff up to match them.

• You still need women to soothe you, mother you, or validate you.

• You over-explain. You apologise for taking up space.

• You fear being seen as too much - or not enough.

• You feel secretly resentful for all you give.

• You fantasise about disappearing, escaping, burning it all down.
  

These are not flaws.
They are symptoms.
Of a strategy that once protected you - and now keeps you small.

The Turning Point: Thank the Boy, Crown the Man.

This isn’t about rejecting your younger self.

It’s about initiating him.

Not with violence. With honour.

• You thank him for protecting you.

• You acknowledge the intelligence of his tactics.

• And then, you let him rest.
  

Because now, a different man is needed.
One who doesn’t avoid conflict.
One who isn’t confused about his worth.
One who can love without clinging.
One who stands without performing.

This is the moment you stop asking the world to confirm you.
And you start confirming yourself.

The Task: Identify and Retire Your Strategy.

You’re going to face your boyhood strategy - and replace it.

Real-World Task

1. Name the Strategy
   

• What was your survival tactic?

• What role did it play in your childhood?

• What was it trying to protect you from?
  

2. Write: “As a boy, I learned to [strategy] in order to feel [safe/loved/in control/etc.].”
   

3. Write the Retirement Letter
   Write a one-page letter to the boy who kept you alive.
   

• Thank him.

• Acknowledge his gifts.

• And let him know: You’ve got it from here.
  

Choose the Man's Strategy
Replace the boy’s pattern with a man’s practice.
If the boy shrank - stand tall.
If the boy performed - tell the truth.
If the boy raged - learn to stay.
Make it simple. Repeat it daily.

Reflective Exercise.

Every night this week, write:

“Where did I act from the boy - and where did I lead from the man?”

No shame. Just clarity.
That’s how you reclaim your crown.

Reading List.

1. King, Warrior, Magician, Lover – Moore & Gillette
   Learn to replace boy archetypes with mature masculine energies.
   

2. No More Mr. Nice Guy – Dr. Robert Glover
   Essential for understanding the people-pleasing boy and how to move beyond him.
   

3. Wild Mind – Bill Plotkin
   A powerful model for psychological wholeness beyond the adolescent self.
   

4. Healing the Shame That Binds You – John Bradshaw
   For men whose strategy was rooted in hiding their unworthiness.
   

5. The Middle Passage – James Hollis
   For navigating the painful, essential shift from boyhood to authentic manhood.

You’re not broken.

You’re just overdue for the next chapter.

The man you’re becoming doesn’t need to perform.
He doesn’t need applause.
He doesn’t need to be anyone’s hero - or victim.

He just needs to stand,
Clear-eyed.
Chest open.
Unapologetically whole.

The boy got you here.

But this next stretch?

Is not his to walk.

Let him rest.

And take the step only you can take.