What You Call Procrastination Is Often Grief.
“Grief is not a distraction from your work. Grief is the work.”
– Francis Weller
You’ve said it before
“I don’t know why I’m not doing the thing.”
“I just need to be more focused.”
“I’m procrastinating again - I’ll get it together tomorrow.”
You beat yourself up. You write better to-do lists. You download apps. You double your caffeine.
Still, nothing moves.
So you conclude: “I must be lazy.”
But laziness isn’t the problem.
Grief is.
The Hidden Weight Behind the Delay
Procrastination isn’t always a productivity issue.
Sometimes, it’s grief in disguise.
Grief for who you used to be - and can’t get back to.
Grief for what you’ve outgrown.
Grief for the dream that died quietly in the background.
Grief for the parts of you that had to die in order to become who you are now.
And here’s the twist:
Every time you’re about to step into your next evolution, the ghosts come out.
Not to stop you.
To be witnessed.
To ask: “Before you go forward - will you bury us properly?”
Why Grief Looks Like Resistance
Because grief slows you down.
It asks you to feel. To stop. To sit in the ache.
And most men don’t know how to grieve.
We know how to push.
How to plan.
How to override.
But grief doesn’t respond to tactics.
It responds to attention.
So instead of grieving, we:
Fiddle with our phones.
Redesign the plan - again.
Watch another motivational video.
Convince ourselves we need more clarity.
Or worst of all: do everything but the thing that matters.
We call this “procrastination.”
But it’s not a failure of will.
It’s a failure to feel.
The Turning Point: Feel It, Then Move
Here’s what changes everything:
Before every major step forward, make space for grief.
It might not come in tears.
It might come as fog. As heaviness. As that weird nothingness you keep trying to explain away.
Don’t resist it.
Don’t fix it.
Don’t try to “solve” it.
Welcome it.
Sit with it like an old friend who’s come to remind you what you’ve carried, what you’ve let go of, what you already survived.
And when it’s ready to move - you’ll move.
Not from force.
From truth.
The Task: Name the Grief Behind the Delay
This week, we’re not hacking productivity. We’re honouring the ache.
Real-World Task
Name the Work You’re Avoiding
Write it down.
Not the entire project - the exact action.
“I’m avoiding sending this email.”
“I’m avoiding finishing this chapter.”Ask the Deeper Question
“What might I be grieving that’s connected to this task?”
Sit quietly. Let it rise.
Maybe it’s the fear of who you’ll become.
Maybe it’s the version of you that this work will end.
Maybe it’s simply fatigue you haven’t let land.Feel It, Name It, Honour It
Write it. Say it out loud. Move your body. Light a candle.
Give it form, even if it feels weird.
Then say:
“I honour this. I carry it with strength. And I choose to move forward anyway.”
Reflective Exercise
Every night this week, ask:
“What did I delay today - and what grief might be living underneath it?”
Let this be a practice of compassion, not criticism.
That’s how men become emotionally agile - and effective.
Reading List
The Wild Edge of Sorrow – Francis Weller
A masterwork on grief as initiation and transformation.The Five Invitations – Frank Ostaseski
Lessons on life and presence from hospice work - powerful and confronting.When the Past Is Present – David Richo
Explore how unresolved emotional experiences show up in the present.Grieving While Black – Marya Hornbacher
Specific to race, but with universal insight on culturally denied grief.The Smell of Rain on Dust – Martín Prechtel
An indigenous approach to grief and praise - earthy, poetic, essential.
You are not stuck
You are mourning.
And when you honour that?
You move cleaner.
You lead clearer.
You live freer.
So next time you’re procrastinating, stop asking:
“What’s wrong with me?”
And start asking:
“What am I not letting myself feel?”
Because on the other side of that grief?
Is your next great move.
